thebigpants strikes again - Now, This Is Interesting

A friend posted about relationships and people's choices within them. A comment thread within that post really sat with me. It summed up what I've been feeling but have been unable to state clearly over the past couple of weeks. It said that relationships were about the commitment and the working toward development and growth, not about love and feelings.

The love and feelings are what bring you together. It is the commitment that keeps you together. I've known this since I can remember. I dismay about my chances of having a true life partner because most people feel that relationships are only about the magic. Do I want the magic and love? You bet I do. But I know it is the commitment to staying together that matters in the end. I dismay because a persons ability to honor the commitment is not discernible until you are already deeply, emotionally involved, and a crisis occurs within the relationship. Only then do you truly know the other person's strength of commitment.

With me, if I commit that shit is solid. You have a true partner. Nothing is too hard, too difficult, too long, there is no "too." I am the Daniel Day-Lewis character from Last of the Mohicans. If you were in a plane crash in the middle of a remote jungle, I'm the one that packs my bags and comes to find you. I will find you.

Tom knew this. Tom knew who and what I was in this manner. He once described me to someone who asked him why he loved me "Dea is unwavering." He knew me. THIS is the thing that hurts, disappoints and makes me angry. In the very end, he didn't give us a chance. Yes, the personal things he is dealing with (this is not open to discussion BTW. They are private matters that will remain private) are deeply difficult. His path will be hard. But he knew me. He knew I could and would walk it with him. No, I can't fight his battles for him, but I can make them easier. I can give him a hand up if he falls down. I can love and support him on the journey.

My therapist told me that if there was one person that was strong enough to make the journey with him, it was me. I don't know if any of you believe in fate or divine province, but sometimes things happen when you are best equipped to deal with them. Perhaps it was time for him to address his issues because he was in the right place in life, with the right support system offering love and encouragement, and he had the right professional tools available to him? But he cut me loose instead.

This is why I am angry. I hope he can feel my little foot kicking him in the tail right this minute. Tom is like me. He wants a life partner. He wants someone to honor commitment. He had that in me. But we also had love and magic. Even when things were very tough for us we had regular interludes of magic.

One day in the future he will probably bemoan that fact that he can't find a woman that will truly commit and devout herself to the relationship. I wonder if he will remember that he had her? He let her go when he needed her the most.

Source: http://thebigpants.livejournal.com/361774.html

phoebe prince jose reyes college football bowl schedule college football bowl schedule double mastectomy 2011 bowl schedule bcs games